December 27, 2003

• i let little things bother me. i don’t like that about myself. i should do something about it. i wanna talk about it, but i don’t because the person it’s about reads my xanga, at least that’s what he told me last…but i blocked him so he can’t subscribe or comment.

  
  

  i had a really bad nightmare last night, but i can’t remember what it was, but i’m still spooked. i don’t like that. i really don’t wanna work today, i don’t feel good. physically i feel fine, but…i don’t feel good. i get to work with two really really awesome co-workers today so i’m sure it’ll go away quickly.

  
  

  tina has something on her mind about us, and she didn’t wanna talk about it during christmas, so she’d rather talk about it around my birthday, thanks. whatever, i’m really annoyed and unsure about our friendship right now, but i don’t know how to talk to her about it, i feel like she says things that make herself feel better and makes me feel like shit. but when i talked to her about it she just said that she does that because i do it. wtf. guys look right past me all the time, even the last guy i dated. how exactly could i say anything that makes me feel better and her feel bad. anyway, one of the things that bothers me is that i like to just chill a lot, play video games, watch movies, etc. but she always wants to go do something, clubbing, party, dates. she can never just chill. but of course she can at her house. never at mine, or some where else. and she always gets her way, because i hate the way her vibes change when she doesn’t get her way. it’s really annoying. i’ve been thinking about it a lot more lately and i don’t like the way the friendship has been going. i mean, we think a like, and we have a lot of the same characteristics, but in reality, we are nothing a like. i guess it’s just those little things again. and i could give examples, but i’m sure she’ll read this at some point and won’t be happy about it. but you know what? i’m not happy about a lot of stuff too. this is my only outlet. i try to talk to her about it and it’s dismissed in a heartbeat. i’m tired of people. this is why i don’t have many friends, i’m insensitive, dismissive, and apparently when it comes to me, you either love me or hate me. i’m actually glad i am this way, because then it weeds out the people that really aren’t worth my time. except the few that has slipped thru.

  
  

  so i only have three more things to buy, and then i can save up my money and move away. i’m going to go anywhere but here. i can’t wait. i’m so happy about that. i’m ready to go some where new. i’m sick of seattle. i know for a fact that i’ll miss people but i need to do this for myself. i need a break from this monotony.

  
  

  i lost one of my sweaters, and my jacket. now i wish i had my mxpx sweater back. it was really nice. and new! *grumble*

  
  

  okay well i have to go to work. or at least get ready for it. i’ll see ya all around.

  
  

   

  
  

   

  • 2:26 pm
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