i miss jeramie =(((((( pooh on this christmas ;_;

i’m not happy right now…for a lot of reason. i hate how this world
is. i wish i had diplomatic immunity in the us. i would use capital
punishment, i would use inhuman ways to kill rapists, and murders. i
would get very creative with it, and i would excerise it on so many
levels.

i don’t want to talk about that any more.

i’m so angry right now. outraged. i want to…changing subject…i
can’t get my mind off it. it’s best i stop talking about it >.>

blehhhhh gaia’s down

great great great time of year! although i miss the warmth, i still
love it…could do without the traffic, but i still love it…bleh. i’m
bored…it’s kinda weird…i’m getting bored with gaia O.O and
sims…ugh. i don’t know what to do…i don’t feel like playing empire
earth…maybe warcraft…or unreal tournament…arg! i dun wanna play
that cus i still can’t beat malcom…that ass hole *scowl* him….

i suddenly got grumpy. >.>

depressing thought…i went to check up on all the xangas…and most of
the ones i read aren’t even on the list…but that’s not the depressing
thought, the thought is…love. i sum it up quite well in asianyuffie’s
journal, i commented there. i felt it was best. where no one knows
me…for posting it here could get me into trouble. i have a lot of
time to think lately. and i realized why i love working and always
doing something…because i don’t have to think. my mind drives me nuts
and hurts me and distorts shit. i wish i could mend a couple things and
break more. life is so different now. it’s okay…but i’ll like it
better once i get working again. i don’t even have gas to drive around
and think like i used to. sometimes i think of where my life would be
if i made a few different decisions…it’s best not to think that
way…i like typing in continuous sentences and paragraphs…they make
more sence to me…i have more to think about now that i talked to
brooke again. some thoughts that i would like to wrap around a brick
and chuck it through certain people windows…others i would like to
paint on the bulletin board that you see going over the west seattle
bridge while taking the 99 onramp…sometimes i wish life were simpler,
like when i lived on a friends couch…and played games for a
living…and after work went to laser quest…i miss friends…i
miss…a lot of things…i miss getting flowers…small or large….i
miss having a necklace…i wish i was still friends with some people
solely on the fact that we had good times once and just enjoyed each
other’s company…*sigh* things are done for stupid reasons. i don’t
understand a lot of it any more. i kinda wish that in high school i
didn’t rebell so strongly against being girly…it’s okay to wear
dresses…but i guess it’s just not my personality or style…good
news…tina’s coming back tomorrow!!! but only for a little while and
i’m sure she’ll be too busy for me…i wish she weren’t though…i
really miss and need her…she helps my brain sort out my
thoughts…jason did at one point also…but that’s pointless…i hate
when i get into that mood to question everything…i wish i had one
single friend to talk to me…just talk…a loooong conversation about
EVERYTHING…then i’ll be set for a few more months…well i’m sure
gaia is missing me…i better go now.

btw, annie is sweet. ryan is…ugh…*bites tongue*

hmm….update…ex bf lied to one of my only friends left so now she hates me….

bleh…everything sucks right now. yet i’m still holding together
well…jeramie and i are solid…everything around us, except the baby
is mushy   (i likey teh smilies) happy little family other than the outside world he he he gaia…

www.gaiaonline.com 90% of puter time is on here. <3 wish i could go
do stuff…but nothing likes to work in my favor when i really really
really need it :stare: