December 16, 2004

• depressing thought…i went to check up on all the xangas…and most of
  the ones i read aren’t even on the list…but that’s not the depressing
  thought, the thought is…love. i sum it up quite well in asianyuffie’s
  journal, i commented there. i felt it was best. where no one knows
  me…for posting it here could get me into trouble. i have a lot of
  time to think lately. and i realized why i love working and always
  doing something…because i don’t have to think. my mind drives me nuts
  and hurts me and distorts shit. i wish i could mend a couple things and
  break more. life is so different now. it’s okay…but i’ll like it
  better once i get working again. i don’t even have gas to drive around
  and think like i used to. sometimes i think of where my life would be
  if i made a few different decisions…it’s best not to think that
  way…i like typing in continuous sentences and paragraphs…they make
  more sence to me…i have more to think about now that i talked to
  brooke again. some thoughts that i would like to wrap around a brick
  and chuck it through certain people windows…others i would like to
  paint on the bulletin board that you see going over the west seattle
  bridge while taking the 99 onramp…sometimes i wish life were simpler,
  like when i lived on a friends couch…and played games for a
  living…and after work went to laser quest…i miss friends…i
  miss…a lot of things…i miss getting flowers…small or large….i
  miss having a necklace…i wish i was still friends with some people
  solely on the fact that we had good times once and just enjoyed each
  other’s company…*sigh* things are done for stupid reasons. i don’t
  understand a lot of it any more. i kinda wish that in high school i
  didn’t rebell so strongly against being girly…it’s okay to wear
  dresses…but i guess it’s just not my personality or style…good
  news…tina’s coming back tomorrow!!! but only for a little while and
  i’m sure she’ll be too busy for me…i wish she weren’t though…i
  really miss and need her…she helps my brain sort out my
  thoughts…jason did at one point also…but that’s pointless…i hate
  when i get into that mood to question everything…i wish i had one
  single friend to talk to me…just talk…a loooong conversation about
  EVERYTHING…then i’ll be set for a few more months…well i’m sure
  gaia is missing me…i better go now.

  • 5:03 pm
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