1. First grade teacher: Mr. Harckness. he was the biggest ass hole ever, i always got in trouble because i was teaching the boys how to play poker.

2. Last words you said: "see ya around"

3. Last song you sang: "My paper heart" by The All American Rejects

4. Last person you hugged: Ryan

5. Last time you said/were told "I love you"- a couple of days ago. <3

6. Last time you cried: i don't cry, my eyes have run dry, and i can't remember that far back.

7. What's in your CD player: car, mixed includes, simple plan, all american rejects and dashboard. miniboom box, all american rejects, computer, bright eyes, and thursday

8. What color sock are you wearing: white with cherries on it and cherrie lookin ball thingies in the back

9. What's under your bed: swim team bag.

10. What time did youw ake up today: 1:00 parents were loud

11. Current taste: speghettios

12. Current hair: suppressed tully's code hair =/

13. Current clothes: right now, new tink pj bottoms, and some raggedy shirt some one left at my house.

14. Current annoyance: OMG I'M NOT ANNOYED RIGHT NOW!!!!

15. Current longing: solidarity, stability, some one i can have fun with and cross the line with when the sun goes down.

16. Current desk top picture: young goku on kin-to'un

17. Current worry: bills, getting into school

18. Current hate: stupid people.

19. Story behind your username: i used to be cute, and when i was i once was called a flaming hottie. and i laughed and asked about it, he said that i was so effin hot, i was on fire, flaming. hahaha! now it's just some psychological trick of mine.

20. Current favorite article of clothing: my mxpx sweater that is missing.

21. Favorite physical feature of the opposite sex/same sex: tummy, back, face, face, face.

22. Last cd that you bought: i bought two at the same time The All american rejects, and dashboard's new one.

23. Favorite place to be: right now, at home with all my toys. usually, anywhere with tons and tons of sunshine

24. Least favorite place to be: anywhere without at least one of the following, my music, video games, or sunshine.

25. Time you wake up in the morning usually: depends on my plans, normally around 10.

26. If you could play an instrument, what would it be: i'm musically inclined, so there isn't an instrument i couldn't play.

27. Favorite color: blue, when it's on me, otherwise lilac and blue, more specifically, light blue.

28. Do you believe in an afterlife: yes

29. How tall are you: *dances around and sings* 5'5'' with brown eyes

30. Favorite book: currently actual book, angels and demons, otherwise it's a tie, Mars, Dragonball, and i.n.v.u.

31. Favorite season: summer

32. Once person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to: my grandma.

33. Favorite day: any day without tully's involved.

34. Where do you wanna go: anywhere but here.

35. What's your career going to be like: with my determination and abililty, there's no limit to all the things i will be doing

36. how many kids do you want: 2

37. What kind of care will you have: probably the same one i have now, I'm in love with my girl. if not. i'll have eleanor.

38. Type a line from any book: "two house holds both alike in dignity, in fair Verona, where we lay our scene"

39. Type a line from a song you remember: "So please don't play with me, my paper heart will bleed"

40. Identify some things surrounding your computer: puter games, speakers, printer, tv, video games, candles and a bottle of Acqua Di Gio. omg *swoons*

i'm sick of giving a shit about people, i'm sick of trying to make people around me be happy, especially when all i get in return is them making me unhappy, or feel like shit. i'm sick of it. fuck it. it's not my problem, i'm done with all of it. fuck off. i'm gonna go play some video games. i wish my gaming buddy were here, then we could zone out on games, and avoid our lives. well at least that's my half. i'm irritated, and there's probably nothing i can do about it. but i'm fucking sick of it. i need a friend like me to at least try to make me happy.

i let little things bother me. i don't like that about myself. i should do something about it. i wanna talk about it, but i don't because the person it's about reads my xanga, at least that's what he told me last...but i blocked him so he can't subscribe or comment.

i had a really bad nightmare last night, but i can't remember what it was, but i'm still spooked. i don't like that. i really don't wanna work today, i don't feel good. physically i feel fine, but...i don't feel good. i get to work with two really really awesome co-workers today so i'm sure it'll go away quickly.

tina has something on her mind about us, and she didn't wanna talk about it during christmas, so she'd rather talk about it around my birthday, thanks. whatever, i'm really annoyed and unsure about our friendship right now, but i don't know how to talk to her about it, i feel like she says things that make herself feel better and makes me feel like shit. but when i talked to her about it she just said that she does that because i do it. wtf. guys look right past me all the time, even the last guy i dated. how exactly could i say anything that makes me feel better and her feel bad. anyway, one of the things that bothers me is that i like to just chill a lot, play video games, watch movies, etc. but she always wants to go do something, clubbing, party, dates. she can never just chill. but of course she can at her house. never at mine, or some where else. and she always gets her way, because i hate the way her vibes change when she doesn't get her way. it's really annoying. i've been thinking about it a lot more lately and i don't like the way the friendship has been going. i mean, we think a like, and we have a lot of the same characteristics, but in reality, we are nothing a like. i guess it's just those little things again. and i could give examples, but i'm sure she'll read this at some point and won't be happy about it. but you know what? i'm not happy about a lot of stuff too. this is my only outlet. i try to talk to her about it and it's dismissed in a heartbeat. i'm tired of people. this is why i don't have many friends, i'm insensitive, dismissive, and apparently when it comes to me, you either love me or hate me. i'm actually glad i am this way, because then it weeds out the people that really aren't worth my time. except the few that has slipped thru.

so i only have three more things to buy, and then i can save up my money and move away. i'm going to go anywhere but here. i can't wait. i'm so happy about that. i'm ready to go some where new. i'm sick of seattle. i know for a fact that i'll miss people but i need to do this for myself. i need a break from this monotony.

i lost one of my sweaters, and my jacket. now i wish i had my mxpx sweater back. it was really nice. and new! *grumble*

okay well i have to go to work. or at least get ready for it. i'll see ya all around.

 

 

lalala, i'm bored, and i'm trying to decide if i wanna go over to a friends house...i do but i don't wanna drive back to seattle all that late. that'd suck. i haven't been blogging much because i haven't had much to say. nothings really going on, everything is pretty simple. fun.

i started talking to an old friend of mine...i've known him since i was 12. hahaha. he used to have a crush on me. and he does again. and he's cool...but...iono. i don't feel right about it. i guess it's my pickiness again. *sigh* some times i think i'm jinxed...a different one of my old friends that i've know forever, since i was 11 actually, he told me that i'm going to grow old and alone because i'm so picky. wtf. eh, whatever, that's fine with me, i don't think i should settle...i shouldn't have to.

but i haven't really been thinking much about relationships...i don't think it's all that high of a priority to me right now. how can i be anything to some one when i haven't really become the person i'm going to be. and when i change, my tastes might, and they might not like how i've changed. so then it's just pointless. i mean yes i miss the little things, but i just don't think about it. i have a very strong mind, and i'm very determined and stubborn. so i can achieve anything. hehe. well, there are a few guys that want a relationship with me...but i just...i don't know, why jump into something. i don't like the idea of wasting my time. i've already wasted so much time with unimportant people, and i can't get that time back. it started in february, when i spent a lot of time with random people, most recently i've wasted the most time. and that really frustrates me, because there were plenty of other things that...presented themselves to me, but i was "with" some one, so i couldn't...take advantage of those opportunities. whatever, guess it wasn't meant to be. there are a couple of guys i'm interested in, but i'm not looking for anything specific. just whatever feels right.

i've also noticed that i've become more spiritual, i go with my gut, my heart, my intuition...and just vibes. i strongly believe in vibes. if they aren't right, then it's really not right. so why bother...anyway i'm happy with myself right now, working, working on going back to school.

i've been working with my favorite, well one of my favorite co-workers, she's freaking awesome. she's hilarious, and gorgeous, and has a brain. she's a rare one. very rare. we were talking a lot at work, about relationships, dating, sex, and anything else that came to mind, but it mainly stuck to the first three. she's all about women's sexual liberation, meaning getting laid, and not being called a ho. i agree with her, but i'm not one to just sleep around. i feel that if i were to i'd be used. and i don't like that feeling. it's not happy. and she was like, man you're looking at it the wrong way. i suppose...well whatever.

it's cold. i'm bored, not sleepy...i wanna go hang out...grumble. well i'll go see what i'm going to do. talk to you all later.

yay. another fun holiday. my parents left me. again. yay. =/ my boss said that if i don't have anything to do to go to her house. doubtful. i'm now bummed, and when i'm bummed i get lazy...bad cycle...oh well.

merry christmas.

*looks at the clock* omg it's sooooo early. i'm not really tired, but i just desire sleep. omg i want more sleep. =( *thinks about closing eyes and drifting off to dream land* you know i don't remember the last time i dreampt...that's a bummer =( my head don't like being awake right now. *YAWN*

it's freezing!!! crap i have to leave in five minutes =/ okay i'm out!

i'm really irritated right now, i don't wanna talk about anything specific. but i found this on a site, and i decided to put it down. i doubt anyone will do it but it'd be cool if you did.

leave a comment answering these questions. please. it'd be cool.

1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
2. Am I loveable?
3. How long have you known me?
4. When and how did we first meet?
5. What was your first impression?
6. Do you still think that way about me now?
7. If I was an ice cream flavor, which would I be and why?
8. Do you think I'll get married?
9. What makes me happy?
10. What makes me sad?
11. What song (if any) reminds you of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. Do you consider me a good friend?
14. When's the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
16. Would you make a move on me?
17. Describe me in one word.
18. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
20. Do I cross your mind at least 2 times a day?

feeling of the day - *annoyed* reason? steve. i'll give you five dollars to hurt him!

btw, happy birthday tina!!!! it's my best friends birthday, sagitarius's birthday! she's my best friend, and it's her birthday!

 

hahahaha, yes i can smell myself. i didn't get high yesterday, instead, i played pokemon puzzle challenge and went to the mall with jason. even though i spent more money =/ i'm glad i did that instead of getting high. and i'm thinking, that i don't wanna drink tonight. but theirs no escaping it tomorrow. well maybe...iono.

BIG BIG NEWS!!!

i have taken the first step into going back to school. i emailed the admissions department at the art institute to set up an interview and tour. i've been thinking a lot, and people have been trying to convince me to go to the art institute. so i'm giving it a try. it's just been popping up all over the place, so it must be a sign. i don't know what i'm going to do for a living. but i want to go to school to draw. the curiculum (sp?) looks awesome and like i'd have fun. i'm excited. i love drawing, i don't know what i'd do if i couldn't draw. and there are a few culinary courses i'd like to take. i'd love to be more creative. i can't wait!

 

that's the movie of the day class. i liked it a lot. i just finished watching it on my new tv. the credits are still playing. good music too. i should buy the soundtrack...but since i'm cheap and broke i'll probably just download it.

i blocked and then deleted steves screen names, and blocked him from my xanga after the last one. i feel good. i'm not angry again. it's not worth the effort.

i haven't gotten high since some time early last summer. i didn't like doing it for one because i threw up a couple of times, and two because...i don't remember the other reasons...but i'm thinking about it again. i've been thining about it for quite some time...today is the first real full day off i've had in a while. i finally got a full nights sleep, with a barrage of crappy dreams, and woke up around 11. was online for just a short while. then i put on a movie, i didn't pay attention for a while, just thought about how i'd love to be high right now. i want to smoke, and be a bum today. it's a full day off, and i want to truly relax. i remember how happy i was when i used to smoke. how everything was so much better. i didn't think about the little bull shit that i normall think about and worry and get pissed off about. i want that right now. i don't wanna think about any of that...

let the drunken commence...tomorrow is my store's holiday party, and then friday is christina's birthday, and then saturday, gerald and brinn are having a party at their house...i wish i didn't have to work saturday, then i could just stay fucked up.

i guess i've, hopefully temporarily, lost my value of life. but i feel good. lately, well for a few months, i've been feeling really...numb...i can and can't say content...explination: i am content for the fact that i have pretty much all i want right now, i don't want a relationship, i don't want to be with some one, i don't want the stress i don't want to have some one to fall asleep with, for the nights that they aren't with me are worse than the good of the nights that they are with me. i'm not content for the fact that i want my own apartment, i want stupid little material things to complete the set, and i want to live in solitary...

i think this is the most interesting, and honest entry i've put forth. i respect myself more for it. i can breathe. i am alive.

barely.